Titles are Stupid! Why Do People Care About Them So Damn Much?
“I just gave him a raise and an opportunity in the role he’s been after forever. Then I went and sang his praises in front of the entire company. Now, he wants a new title too? Sheesh.”
“What title does he want?” asked Reid.
“He didn’t even say! He wants me to come up with it.” I replied.
“What did you come up with?” asked Reid.
“I told him titles are stupid and he should pick whatever he wanted. I don’t care about titles. They don’t matter at our stage.” I said dismissively.
“Easy to say for the guy who claimed the COO title on his second day,” said Reid condescendingly.
Oof.
Maybe I do care about titles.
Dang it, I definitely care about titles. I didn’t think I did, but I do.
I used to be completely dismissive of titles. I always thought that in an early-stage high-growth technology company titles don’t mean much. Everyone does a little of everything and it changes every other week. Trying to pick the perfect title is a fool’s errand because peoples’ roles change so frequently. Why bother? I figured it was better to avoid the distraction and let your people choose their title based on the audience and put whatever they wanted to on LinkedIn. I would roll my eyes each time it came up and repeat my “I don’t care about titles” speech. Dumb.
I care a lot about what my LinkedIn says. I enjoy talking about what I do with friends and family. I liked having COO by my name and I was really proud to update my title to co-founder recently. It’s extremely important to me. I guess I just forgot.
My own title coupled with laziness gave me blinders.
I claimed a big title right out of the gate, so I never had to worry about my title. It got jumbled in my head. When I said “I don’t care about titles” what I really meant was “I am not worried about my title.” Sounds ridiculous right? Well, when you are making a hundred decisions a day in a fast-growth startup, it’s easy to get things jumbled. It usually happens when you prioritize ease. It was easier for me to take a “titles don’t matter” stance. Isn’t it funny how the “I guess I forgots” and the “I got it confused in my heads” always seem to make life easier for us?
Bonus nugget: Be wary when you take a vocal or controversial stance that serves primarily to protect you from having to solve some complexity.
I am good at empathy. I am a high EQ guy, and I am proud of it. The dictionary definition of empathy is: the capacity to experience what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.
Empathy allows me to understand people’s feelings and deeply relate, to experience them with them. I am not above empathy crying in a one-on-one. Unfortunately, in this situation, empathy was not helpful. I had a great title and I was really busy.
When it comes to titles, be sympathetic, not empathetic.
I lacked empathy on the subject of titles because I did not share the feelings. What I should have practiced was sympathy. Sympathy means understanding someone else’s suffering. It’s more cognitive in nature. Titles are inherently complex. I needed to engage my brain and listen with more sympathy, and I quickly would have understood their stress and not been so dismissive.
Titles are important. Why? To some number of people, you are known primarily (if not entirely) by your work title. That’s reality. Who you are is whatever your title says you are. A major or impressive title carries weight with people who do not know you. A generic or entry-level title is much less valuable social currency.
You don’t need to buckle to every title demand, but you need to engage the conversation. You need to listen and understand where the demand is coming from. Wanting a better title is a good sign. It means they care. Try to understand what they are trying to communicate to the world. If it is in your power and appropriate then give them a title they will be excited to update on LinkedIn. If not, then show them the path to the title they want and offer to help them along the way.
Just don’t ever say you don’t care about titles.
