Who Cares About the F’ing Table?!
So, you think you are an entrepreneur? You need to wrestle with this question first.
My friend Phil is a first-generation Korean American, former Naval submariner, Oxford grad, and all-around impressive guy. We had lunch recently and he told me a story I want to share.
I kicked off lunch by telling Phil I had recently decided to go all-in as co-founder of a technology company. The look on his face told me he thought I was crazy, but he managed to keep it to himself. Instead, he says “That’s cool man, really cool. You seem like a man at peace. My dad was an entrepreneur.”
Then he shared this story with me:
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My dad moved us over here when he was in his early thirties. He didn’t know any English and had $300 to his name, so he was a different kind of entrepreneur. He was an entrepreneur before it was cool to be an entrepreneur. No one wanted to be an entrepreneur in the ’80s. Certainly not starting up tiny little businesses, but he did it.
When I was in college my dad and mom split, and my dad moved out to Santa Rosa, CA to open a new dry cleaning business. I was away in college living comfortably and getting a first-rate education . . . all because of his hard work.
Dad was different.
He didn’t need anyone’s help and he didn’t care what anyone thought about him. He just went to work until the work was done.
When dad got settled in California I went out to visit him. Starting a dry cleaning business is pretty capital intensive, with lots of big machines and all that. So we pick up dinner and go to my dad’s apartment and it is a total dump. Not a nice place at all. His neighbors were primarily day laborers struggling to eat and pay the rent. Good people, it just was not a nice place.
We go to eat dinner and there we are sitting on the kitchen floor of his crappy little apartment because he doesn’t have a table. So I say to my dad, “Dad! Come on. Look at this place. You don’t even have a table to eat on!” I remember exactly what he said. He looks me right in the eye and he says [in Korean], “Son, who gives a f*ck about a table. I am trying to build a business.” I am speechless as my dad continues, “What am I? An interior designer?! I am trying to build a business. I don’t give a f*ck about the table.” I will always remember that moment. I realized right then I might not have what it takes to be a true entrepreneur. I realized I cared about the table man.
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I think Phil was trying to encourage me.
I think he was saying he thought I did have what it takes. Yeah, I am pretty sure the purpose of the story was to inspire me. Well, his story did not inspire me. It made me think. Do I have what it takes? or do I care too much about the table?
The “table” symbolizes all the things we get stuck on. The stuff that prevents us from betting big on ourselves. The big salary. The esteem of being a big shot at a big company. The nice house. The nice car. Ultimately the desire to have others see you and want to be you. Do I care about the table? Oof. It’s a piercing question.
I think and write a lot about perspective and the challenge of getting the right perspective. It’s always on my mind. When you meet someone who has right perspective you know it. There is a clarity and a confidence you can see. A peace from having removed all that is not really there and seeing only truth. Meeting someone facing a tough challenge with right perspective is inspiring, but also intimidating. Like how Phil felt that day in the presence of his father.
I don’t know Phil’s father, but I am in awe of him. I have no doubt he is or was imperfect like the rest of us, but this was a man who had clarity and perspective on what was really important. A man who did whatever it was that needed to be done. A man who did not apologize for eating on the floor.
Phil’s dad gave him a gift that day on the floor. He created a moment that captured a lifetime of hard work and sacrifice. A vivid example of what it means to be an entrepreneur (and a father). Phil’s dad did whatever it took to build his business because he had a family. He had a son with the potential to be great, so he did what he had to do to make sure he would get the opportunity. He ate on the floor.
Do I care about the table? Kind of, yeah. Probably more than kind of. Thank goodness Phil blessed me with the story about his dad. I suspect I will return to it often in the coming years. When I lose perspective and start worrying about what other people think about me. When I forget about the opportunity I have to give my kids a gift through my struggle.
“PE, come on man. What are you doing? Why do you drive that piece of sh*t?”
“Who gives a f*ck what I drive?! I have a business to build.”
